National Geographic, Country style
by Hutcchy
Summary: Ever think that a world meeting reminds you of a nature program, well it does for England. Rated T for the hell of it
1. National Geographic

**Another strange one off that created based off an strange conversation I had with my friend.**

**I question our sanity.**

**Anyway I hope you like it**

**I don't own Hetalia.**

National Geographic: Country style

It was amazing how quickly a meeting could spiral out of control. Yet England wasn't amazed. The blonde country was watching with a bored expression as the other nations were attempting to kill each other.  
Usually the island nation would have been dragged into the chaos, one way or another, but today he sat quietly in his seat. It was most likely due to him sitting in between two calm countries that rarely got involved in fights, on his right was Japan whereas on his left was...was…. The country that looked a lot like America.  
Germany had decided to create a seating plan in aim to stop the countries fighting. It worked to a certain extent, as England wasn't strangling France, and Russia wasn't scaring the Baltic nations.

However, the Frenchman had just turned his attention to the new country sitting next to him, which happened to be Liechtenstein. This had led to the, self-declared, country of love trying to hit on the female nation, only for Switzerland to pull out his rather large collection of guns and aim them at the Frenchman. Rather poor planning on the German's part, but Germany had assumed that the French nation had more sense than to flirt with the trigger happy nation's sister. Sadly he didn't.

England wasn't sure as to why he thought the scene in front of him looked a lot like a nature program, maybe it was due England having recently spoken to David Attenborough, but he smiled at the thought.

"Here we can see the various different countries interacting with each other, in their natural habitat." The blonde spoke mainly to himself in a low whisper, as if; if he talked any louder he could frighten away an animal.

Besides him Canada chuckled softly, burying his face into his bear.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Canada."

On the other side of the Brit, a smile tugged at Japan's lips. The Asian nation silently pulled out his trusty video camera, which he always had on him, and started filming the scene in front of him. He leaned slightly closer to England, insuring that he could catch everything that the European nation said.

"Here, we have the Perverted Frogicus, which appears to be preforming its mating ritual as it approaches one of the Pasta Gits. Pasta Gits tend to travel in pairs and have opposite personalities to one another. Let's watch the Perverted Frogicus' inevitable failure in its attempt to court the grumpy one of the Pasta Gits." England continued in the same tone, smiling as he watched France make his way over to Romano. Japan's camera followed the Frenchman as he homed in on his prey. Hiding a smile behind his camera, Japan videoed the Frenchman get yelled at by the Italian.

"*Watch the Pasta Git's face turn bright red as it fends off the Perverted Frogicus. The distressed cries of the young nation have alerted the Failious Pirateous to the Preverted Frogicus attempts to mate.

"It is a well-known fact that the Failious Pirateous is a quite idiotic nation, often clueless as to what is going on. It talks mainly about tomatoes, which also make up the majority of its diet. The Mediterranean country is usually a cheerful creature, however, it can become particularly dangerous when one of the Pasta Gits feels threatened."

England smiled into the palm his chin was rested in, his elbow propped up on the table. The Briton's eyes twinkled with sadistic amusement as Spain started swinging his axe at France, telling the later to not touch his 'tomato'.

Prussia came thundering over to the other European countries, laughing like a maniac as he had just escaped Hungary. The Albino started to calm down the angry Spaniard, laughing the whole time.

"Here is the rare albino ex-nation, Teutonic Wanker. This rare specimen has a distinctive laugh and can only say the word 'awesome'. This creature's diet mainly consists of beer and wurst, but has been known to eat food created by the Pasta Gits.

We are currently witnessing a situation which occurs frequently, where the Teutonic Wanker thwarts the Failious Pirateous attempts to kill the Perverted Frogicous. These three creatures are often seen together and create havoc in the jungle, also known as The World Conference. It would be wise to stay away when these nations are together unless you wish to be a victim of their pranks."

England's attention now fell upon Italy, who had just run across the room sobbing. The small nation jumped at Germany, who automatically caught the Italian. The brunette started crying to the German, saying that Russia was creepy, which caused the tall blonde to sigh.

"The other Pasta Git has been spooked and has sought comfort in the Stickuphisarseicus. The stronger creature has adapted to be immune to the smaller one's idiocy, and is one of few that can stay around the nation for a large amount of time.

"Like the Teutonic Wanker, the Stickuphisarseicus mainly consumes beer and wurst. However, unlike its brother, it is not a creature that executes pranks, but is one to stop them. This creature appears to have one emotion - rage, and is considered to be one of the loudest creatures. Watch as it demonstrates how loud he can be as he tries to tame the others in the jungle."

England fell quiet when Germany's gaze turned to the island nation. England and the nations next to him were the only ones in the room trying not to laugh, catching the German nation's attention.  
England was known to sometimes laugh during a meeting, the other assumed that it had something to do with his 'fairy friends', but for Japan to be struggling not to laugh, that was somewhat worrisome. The fact that Japan had a video camera out worried the blonde even more.

Now that the other countries had calmed down, the meeting continued. Once Germany finished his speech, he sat down, allowing America to start his. The young nation got about 5 minutes into his speech before England continued with his commentary.

"Here is the Stupidius heroius. This is an extremely loud creature which constantly shouts 'hero', even when it's not an appropriate time. As you can see, this nation has an inability to speak correctly, often making up words. This creature cannot sense the mood, often resulting in it saying something idiotic and inappropriate. This frequently angers other nations, which can lead to arguments and other shows of dominance.

"The Stupidius heroius diet consists of mainly hamburgers and fizzy drinks. This is primarily so it can put on weight for when it hibernates during the winter. When winter approaches, the Stupidius heroius will hide under heaps of covers and only leave the safety of its room come Christmas and New Year.

"Watch as it gobbles down dozens of artery clogging burgers down its throat while trying to communicate with the other creatures of the jungle. Sensing that the other nations are unable to understand him, the Stupidius heroius changes its approach.

"Unfortunately for Stupidius heroius, the burger meat has replaced its brain. The creature is not aware that the others are also unable to understand it as it slurps its fizzy drink.

"Oh, it seems to have spotted us watching it as the Stupidius heroius has stopped drinking and turned its attention to us. I am going to attempt to communicate with the creature."

England gave Japan a sly smile as America stopped his speech and addressed the Brit. Beside England, Canada was struggling to breathe, his face buried deep in his bear's fur.

"Yo Iggy, isn't it like rude to talk when someone else is talking? I thought you was a gentleman or some shit. Talking to your imaginary friends again?" America frowned at the smaller nation, not happy at all that England wasn't listening to the hero. He was giving some awesome speech on how to save the world from global warming, by putting all cows into plastic bubble.

"No, I wasn't talking to my fairy friends, thank you very much. They are currently busy tidying my house which you wrecked last right when you decided to pop in. I was, in fact, talking to Japan if you must now, on how much of an idiot you are."

Japan had put his camera away, once America had started to talk to the Englishman. The Asian gave England a small smile, which America missed. Japan resumed his emotionless mask as he faced the angry American.

"It is true America san, England san was talking to me but it was on the current subject."

America stared at the two nations, seeing if what Japan was telling the truth. Seeing that they both remained expressionless the American carried on with his speech, deciding that he would just bug the hell out Iggy later.

Once America turned his back, Japan brought back out his camera and pointed it to England. England faced the camera, America in the background of the shot. "There we have it. Please join us next time where we will discuss the other nations of the jungle known as The World Meeting Conference."

Japan smiled as he turned the camera off, wondering what countries England would 'study' next. The Japanese man was glad that Germany had changed the seating plan now; maybe he could make England talk about China or Russia next time.

Canada had passed out from laughing so much, but no one seemed to of noticed.

* * *

**Thus end my insanity.**

**Japan, I want a copy of that video**

** ...Yeah I might do another version of this I i can think of a how to do this. **

**Hope you liked it**


	2. Walking with Nations

**I'm back. **

**I didn't think that this would get such a response so it looks like I am going to continue this.**

**This one is about the Nordics, I'm not that familiar about their characteristics so please forgive me if this seems ooc**

**warning! my grammar**

**I also don't own Hetalia, but I'm sure that you all know that.**

* * *

It was now time to have a break for lunch and all of the nations fled the room, England, Japan and Canada being the last to leave. The European nation was kneeling down beside the still unconscious Canadian, trying to rouse him.

"Oh dear, it seems that the poor lad passed out from laughter, his still giggling. Come on … Canada wake up you bloody git, you wanted me to go out with you to lunch today did you not? Or was that your obnoxious brother?"

England looked off to the distance trying to remember the conversation that took place earlier today. His attention was brought back to the nation on the floor when he heard some movement. Canada sat up quickly, feeling embarrassed that he passed out from laughing.

"Erm, I'm sorry. Is the meeting over, eh?" The Canadian nation asked hesitantly, seeing that there was no one else in the meeting room.

"No, it is just lunch time, I invited England san to accompany me to lunch, but he said that you had already asked him. I was hoping that I would be able to join the both of you, if that is OK with you?" Japan said politely, bowing to the slightly dazed country.

"N n no that's fine, it would be nice for you to join us Japan, eh." The Canadian was shocked that England had actually remembered that he had made plans with him (Canada), but then America wasn't nearby so wasn't there to take England attention.

"Right, come on then chaps, I am in a desperate need for a good cup of tea." England said as he marched out of the conference room and into the canteen of the building in which the meeting was taking place.

* * *

"Ugh, it's like feeding time at the zoo. Just look how uncivilised everyone is when they're eating. No manors at all." England commented, carrying his tray of food to a free table, which just so happened to be next to the table at which the Nordics were sitting.

A small smile crept onto the Asian's face as he discretely took out his camera from his messenger bag. The Northern American country, spotted the Asian's action and mentally prepared himself. He didn't want to pass out from laughing again.

The European country was ranting about countries eating habits to no one in particular, sipping his tea occasionally. Turning to face his companions once noticing that they haven't spoken, he rolled his eyes once he spotted the camera and the blonde smiling.

He gave them a smile which said 'fine, if you really want me to' and coughed lightly into his hand. He then turned his chair slightly so that he had a better view of the canteen. Smirking, once he spotted his next target, he then looked directly into Japan's camera.

"Welcome back to walking with nations. We are now currently in dangerous territory as it is feeding time at the jungle known as the World conference. We have to be careful to not get too close to any of the creatures, as they are furiously protective of their food.

Not too far away for our current position is a group of nations called the Nordics (mumbles something about 'Fucking invading Vikings') this particular herd consists of five individuals, each of them varying in some way."

Denmark started to laugh loudly at some joke that he made, which caused Norway to smack him round the head. Finland stared to laugh at the everyday occurrence, whilst Sweden and Iceland remained mainly expressionless.

"The loudest member of this particular herd and self-proclaimed leader is Drunkus Idiotius. He is often seen with a large axe which he can summon to his side at any time.

As you can see, the creature usually always wears a small hat on his head, its purpose is to protect the creatures brain. The Drunkus Idioticus, unlike other nations has a very small brain which is not located in his head, but on top of it.

Due to the creature's brain being on the outside of its body, it can consume large amount of alcohol without getting drunk. It also means that its brain signals often get lost, therefore leading it to act without seemingly thinking so beforehand."

Canada almost spat out his maple tea, but somehow managed to not laugh as England commentated. He put down his tea trying to control his breathing before shorter blonde continued. Japan smiled behind his camera as he pointed his camera at Norway once England began to speak about him.

" Here we have one of the more intelligent species of the herd Serious Stoticus. Like the majority of this herd, Serious Stoticus has limited facial expressions and hardly speaks. This creature only tends to communicate when scolding Drunkus Idioticus or taunting Puffin Plonker.

This creature is able to communicate with trolls and fairies, a trait which is rare amongst creatures that inhabit the World conference.

If we look closely you can see the detached hair curl that floats beside the creatures head. It is rumoured that that strand of hair used to hold the creatures other facial expression, but seeing that it is no longer attached to the owner's head, as left it with only one expression."

Norway's dull blue eyes fell upon the Englishman, sensing that he was being talked about. Acting on instinct, England turned away to face Japan's camera and started to talk about nothing important at great lenght. Japan paused the video at the exact same time.

The Norwegian watched the trio intently before Denmark waved his hand in front of his eyes. Tearing his gaze way from England; after deciding that Japan was just filming England talk about British culture, he pulled the Dane's tie making it difficult for the nation to breath.

"He's not looking anymore, eh" Canada spoke quietly once the Nordic attention was taken by something else. The sandy blonde slumped slightly in his chair (only by a fraction, he is a gentleman after all and gentleman don't slouch.) breathing a sigh of relief.

"Bloody hell that was close. I know that you are enjoying this, but I don't think that I will able to keep this up chaps. Norway is a lot more observant than those other gits in the meeting room." The island nation ran a hand through his messy locks, taking another sip of his tea.

Japan placed down his camera on the table, taking a bit of his salted salmon. "I understand England san, you do not have to continue if you don't want to." The Asian nation said, exaggerating his disappointment in his tone as he spoke.

"It's a shame, eh. You already did two of the Nordics, there are only three left. If you don't want to continue though, that's fine, eh."

Emerald eyes filled with guilt as he looked at the two dishearten faces. Sighing once again, England gave a pair a weak smile. "I'm not doing this for you, I just like to finish what I started."

Japan squealed internally, glancing at Canada with a small victorious smile. The wavy blonde returned the smile, hugging his bear closer to his chest as the English nation began to speak again.

"The smallest of the herd is Cheerious Festiveous. This happy creature, although small is very strong and is normally always smiling despite having some difficulties in the past. This creature is often seen with Eversilentuos and is able to overlook its creepy aura.

This cheery creature is often seen wearing a Santa outfit and is somehow able to fly in a red sleigh. Once a year it will travel the world delivering gifts, and also manages to get other creatures to aid him without much difficulty.

The Cheerious Festiveous is a very social creature, as it is very talkative and tends to make jokes to lighten the mood. However it is wise to not say the 'Moomins' in front of it, as it will talk excessively about the characters and is terribly difficult to get it to stop. It has been known for the Cheerious to send people to sleep or drive them mad when talking about the 'Moomins'."

Finland seemed to perk up when the Moomins were mentioned, but quickly relaxed thinking it was just his imagination. Sweden looked at his 'wife' with an unreadable expression, before eating the rest of his food.

"The Eversilentous is the tallest and the quietest of the Nordics. This creature hardly ever communicates with anybody due to its shy nature, but when it does it is difficult to decipher and sounds mainly like mumbles.

This creature is limited to one facial expression which is hard to determine as to what it actually is. Because of its seemingly expressionless face and height, the Eversilentous often scares anybody that approaches it.

A fairly unknown fact about this creature is that it is rather handy when it comes to sowing and woodwork. Also, when it is not residing in the jungle, the Eversilentous lives in Ikea. It will use the displays at its own leisure and will attempt to help customers, but will ultimately terrify them.

The creature also has an adopted son which he bought off of Ebay, he has brought up the Brat along with his 'Wife' (does air quotations to the camera)Cheerious Festiveous."

"Does he really live in Ikea, eh?"

"I'm not entirely certain, but Denmark said that he did one night when we went out drinking. That git isn't very reliable though."

"Just one more left England san. I will also like add… C.. Canada san that you are handling this much better than last time."

"Thank you, I'm thinking about boring things to help me stop laughing so much."

"As I was saying." England coughed trying to catch the others attention, so that he could get this over and done with.

"The youngest of his herd is the Puffin Plonker. This creature lives off a diet of liquorish and when not in a meeting can usually be found in a hot spring.

This creature doesn't communicate often with others as it mainly relies on a puffin to do so for it. The Puffin act like a parrot for a pirate and sits on the young creatures shoulder. However, if the bird says something that the Puffin Plonker doesn't agree with, then it will quickly lose its temper and snap at the bird.

It is wise when handling the Puffin Ploker, to not ask for it to undress. It is a very modest creature and asking for it to do so, will traumatise it greatly."

England looked away from the table of Nordics, to the camera giving it a charming smile like a true television host. "And that concludes this episode of Walking with Nation, have a bloody fantastic day."

Japan turned off his camera, greatly pleased with his film. Canada was stifling his laughter, controlling it fairly well. His face went bright red though as Denmark walked up to an unaware England.

"Hey Brows! Got any plans tonight after the meeting?" The Dane bellowed into England's ear. The sandy blonde winced at the volume, setting his teacup back down on the table.

"I was planning on having a quite night in my hotel room and finishing reading my book, but I'm assuming that, that plan has now been thrown out of the window, am I correct. You and that bloody other git, never give up when it come to going out drinking." The Island nation spoke flatly.

The tall blonde pouted at the Englishman's tone. "Awwwwhhh, don't be like that Brows, you haven't been out drinking with me and Prussia for ages." The Dane whined.

"It's Prussia and I." England glanced up at the pleading face of the Nordic nation. He sighed and pitched the bridge of his nose. Why could he not say no to anyone that pouts?

"Fine, I'll go out drinking tonight with you and that Teutonic Wanker, we'll arrange times after the meeting. Now if you don't find I would like to continue having lunch with Japan and … Canada."

"Teutonic Wanker? Is that a new nick name for Gil? Anyway, cool Brows see you later." With that Denmark walked away happily, oblivious to the gasping Canadian.

Poor Canada, he didn't expect England to call Prussia by his new nick name, so lost control of his laughter. He passed out for the second time today from laughter.

* * *

**Yeah, so there you go.**

**I'm not sure if it was as funny as the first chapter but then this was meant to be a one shot. **

**I'll finish it anyway as my friend has already gave me names for China, Russia, Canada and Austria. **

**byes**


	3. Planet Earth, Idiot edition

**Hiya guys I'm back. **

**Yeah sorry it's been a while, this story is hard to write. Considering that this was only meant to be a one shot, I don't think its that bad. Stupid country names, they are so hard. Thank you Rosey for coming up for most of the names, and I mean most of them**

**Any way I don't own Hetalia and enjoy**

* * *

Grumbling to himself as the Dane left, England started to mentally prepare himself for later that night. The blonde nation turned to face Japan, a small frown present on his face. "I fear that I may not be in the best of mood for tomorrow's meeting. The gits are fun to go out with, but I just loath the morning after."

Japan refrained the urge to chuckle at the Briton, he had seen what happens when the trio gets together, and their antics were always amusing. It was also rather entertaining watching the hungover nations turn up at the next meeting, especially England.

"You won't be sitting next to America-san or France-san tomorrow. That should hopefully make things easier for you." Japan stated in attempt to comfort his friend. It appeared to work - England's expression turned thoughtful as he hummed in agreement.

"Hopefully the wankers will find some other poor gits to annoy." The Briton replied as he surveyed the room. His eye was drawn to Italy who was running away from the ever smiling Russian and then jumped onto Germany, who gave the quivering nation a reassuring, though slightly awkward, pat on the back. Russia, appearing to be puzzled about what he had done to scare the Italian, shrugged and headed to the table where the Baltics were seated, still smiling sweetly.

"Looks like Creepius Smileus has frightened one of the Pasta Gits again." The blonde spoke in a bored tone, this was an everyday occurrence after all.

Japan's eyes sparked in interest at his companion's words. Slowly, he raised his camera yet again and pointed the device at the Englishman, waiting for the Brit to notice. Turning around to start another conversation with the Asian, England spotted the camera and ran a hand through his hair. Now looking directly into the camera, the blonde cleared his throat as Japan pressed record.

"Hello once again, and welcome to Planet Earth: Idiot Edition. We are currently situated at the feeding ground of the World Conference, where we are observing a dangerous creature known as Creepius Smileus. This large nation emits a dark aura which, although the country himself seems completely unaffected by, causes other nations to become nervous around the Creepius Smileus or even flee from it.

"The diet of the Creepius Smileus consists solely of vodka, which it will try to gain from other nations, preferably by force. (Not that I'll let the git.)"

Japan tilted his head to the side curiously at what England had muttered under his breath, pausing the camera momentarily. "What do you mean by that England-san?"

The blonde blinked in confusion at the question, not expecting it. After a few seconds he realised what the raven-haired nation was referring to, "Oh, the wanker tried to invade a few of the southern countries for some vodka years ago, but I stopped him. Now the git has a grudge against me and tries to get in my way whenever I try to summon anything. Nothing important really."

The European nation waved his hand dismissively at Japan, not really wanting to continue on that subject, and turned around to face the Russian nation. Japan took this as a sign to continue filming the nation.

"There are many legends surrounding the Creepius Smileus's scarf. Some say that the nation was born with the scarf around its neck. While others believe that if you were to see the nation without its scarf on, you would die in three days. It is an extremely rare, almost impossible event to see the Creepius Smileus without its scarf around its neck, however, as, over its many years of existence, the fibres of the material have fused with the creature's skin, resulting in the garment acting like extra limbs.

"Other than its scarf, this creature also has a fascination with faucet pipes, its weapon of choice, and sunflowers. It is wise to avoid all contact with the nation when it is wielding a pipe, unless you are in possession of a sunflower which can be used to placate and distract the country."

Russia was now sat between a terrified, trembling Latvia and Estonia. It seemed the poor boy had, due to nerves, said something that the Russian may have found insulting as Russia's hand was now resting heavily on top of the younger nation's head.

"Here we can see Creepius Smileus attempting to converse with some other nations. The large nation has a tendency to be easily offened and react negatively to those who have offended him. As we can see he is currently attempting to stunt the growth of Smallus Scaredius. This young creature has an unfortunate habit of speaking his mind when nervous, even if it could be potentially dangerous, though he is said to be quite smart. The small nation drinks a lot despite its young age. It is likely that the amount of time spent around Creepius Smileus that has turned this nation to alcohol.

"On the other side of Creepius Smileus is Technous Scaredius. This creature manages to avoid most trouble by relying on its wit, and therefore is usually able to evade the attention of Creepius Smileus. The Technous Scaredius has a keen interest in, and is gifted with, technology. It is also known to cohabit with many small creatures that have the appearance of white blobs."

Lithuania then attempted to distract Russia by starting a conversation, aiming to help the young nation who was still being crushed; Estonia was managing to go unnoticed. All of Russia's attention was now aimed at Lithuania .

"Here we see Sensibilus Scaredius defending the youngest of the herd by attracting the attention of Creepius Smileus. Sensibilus Scaredius seems to be the favourite of the predator, watch as it demonstrates its alpha role on the smaller creature.

"Although quite strong, Sensibilus Scaredius can be pushed around, and will, like the others in its herd, tremble in the presence of Creepius Smileus. It will follow orders to ensure its survival and will do other nation's menial tasks such as cleaning their habitats."

Lithuania then started to panic as a certain blonde haired nation waltzed up to the Russian and stood in front of the brunette. Poland stood with his hand on his hip and flicked his hair as he gestured to the Russian's appearance. Russia was clearly not pleased with the Polish nation's sudden appearance or what he had just said, as he started to 'Kol'.

"It seems that this new arrival has angered the Creepius Smileus as the predator is now threating the newcomer to get it to back off. Its growl is unusual in the World Conference compared to some of the other inhabitants of the jungle. As you can hear, it sounds a lot like the nation is saying the word 'Kol' repeatedly.

"The newcomer is a gender confused creature known as the Ponius Loverus. As you can see this nation is not intimidated by the larger creature, though whether this is due to courage or lack of intelligence is a matter of debate. The Ponius Loverus communicates in a fashion similar to that of a teenage girl, which some believe to be a defence mechanism as this tends to annoy any other creatures who attempt to communicate with the Ponius Loverus and thus decide to leave it be.

"The Ponius Loverus has a keen interest in fashion and will often comment on the attire of other nations which can lead it into trouble as it often causes offence.

"This creature has the potential to be strong, but does not possess the brain power to do so, instead of planning to defend its territory, it plans to paint its habitat pink. On the rare occasions when it does decide to protect its territory, the Ponius Loverus shares a trait with the Stupidius Heroius in that it will formulate impossible, unrealistic plans, often involving horses - another of its interests."

Lithuania then managed to avoid disaster by dragging the Polish nation away. Russia went to get up to follow the pair, but froze once he heard a chorus of 'Marry me'.

"Here is the only thing that Creepius Smileus is intimidated by, the creature known as Stalkerus Marryus. This extremely deadly creature is attracted to the male predator and aims to make the Creepius Smileus its mate.

"The Stalkerus Marryus's cry sounds like 'Marry me' which increases in volume whenever the male is close. The creature will only partake in certain activities provided they have something to do with Creepius Smileus. The Stalkerus Marryus is particularly apt at approaching the Creepius Smileus while the larger creature is completely unaware, and at breaking through any barriers that are preventing its access to the Creepius Smileus. It is wise to not get too close to this creature, especially if the Creepius Smileus is nearby, as it is very skilled with knives."

England smiled to himself as Russia quickly walked away from Belarus in an attempt to hide. Luckily for the Russian, his older sister then appeared and distracted the obsessed nation. England hesitated in saying something about the farming nation but held his tongue. He is a gentleman after all and would not insult a lady, except Belarus.

The blonde rolled his eyes as the Russian stalked over to China who was currently sitting alone drinking some tea. The older nation screeched when he turned around to find the Russian smiling happily at him.

"The Creepius Smileus has now gained the attention of the eldest creature at the World Conference, the Bitterus Oldmanius. The Creepius Smileus tends to stalk this particular creature by using camouflage, often taking on the appearance of creatures the Bitterus Oldmanius trusts, such as a panda - something the Bitterus Oldmanius is rarely seen without.

"The Bitterus Oldmanius is a creature that tends to make a habitat in every territory that it visits, which mainly consist of sources of this nation's favourite foods. A wok is the Bitterus Oldmanius's weapon of choice, though it will often try to diffuse conflicts by giving other creatures snacks. This tactic is fairly successful as it works on various creatures such as the Stupidius Heroius, who only thinks about food.

"The Bitterus Oldmanius is known to constantly complain about the actions and beliefs of the other, younger nations, particularly those with territories situated far from its own. This creature is, however, rather strong and serious, unless something it considers cute is present. It is this love of 'cuteness' that has resulted in the Bitterus Oldmanius being obsessed with Hello Kitty and it will always have an item from that franchise in its possession."

Japan sighed when Korea popped out of nowhere and started to rub the older nation's 'breasts', claiming them to be his. Russia was still smiling as he watched the Chinese nation struggle to get the clingy nation off him.

England glanced to the Japanese man, amusement evident in his green eyes. It was nice to have someone else, rather than himself, being molested.

"Now arrives Claimsus Everythingus, attracting the attention of the older nations. This young happy creature likes to take credit for all ideas, despite the fact that usually these ideas originate solely from others. It is also confused about the gender of the Bitterus Oldmanius (not that I can blame him), and continually tries to claim the older nation's breasts.

"Claimus Everythingus has a curl which demonstrates its current feelings. If legends are to be believed, the hair curl is possessed by a spirit which makes the hair appear to either smile or frown, depending on how Claimsus Everythingus is feeling."

Russia moved closer to China and placed a hand on the smaller nation's shoulder, causing China to yell in distress. Which in turn caused Korea to become even more enthusiastic in claiming his brother, preventing Russia in doing so.

"Bitterus Oldmanius cries in distress as the Creepius Smilieus advances on the smaller creature, alerting others of its predicament. Here we witness the rare event of the Bitterus Oldmanius's siblings aiding the older creature, trying to remove Claimus Everythingus from it."

England watched in amusement as Vitenam hit Korea round the back of the head with a paddle, then Taiwan nursed the new lump on Korea's head. Thailand was telling Russia that Belarus was looking for him, which caused the Russian to walk away surveying the room carefully as he went. Thialand smiled to himself and started to tend to his elephant. Hong Kong watched from a distance, all the while throwing glances at England.

Slowly the Asian nations managed to pry Korea away from China, leaving the flustered nation sitting at the table to finish his tea. Just as China began to calm down, France materialised by his side, attempting to grope the Asian's bottom. The Asian nation swiftly karate kicked France in the face, knocking him to the ground, in turn causing England to burst out laughing.

The European nation, struggled to catch his breath as he faced the camera. After a few minutes he managed to control himself and, still smiling broadly, addressed the camera. "It seems that Preverted Frogicus has failed yet again in it attempts to get a mate. On that high note, we conclude yet another episode. See you next time."

Japan turned off the camera, smiling at the other island nation, when he suddenly heard a loud belly laugh. Both heads snapped to the side to find another nation standing beside the table.

"Crickey Mum, you and your sense of humour. You're a right dag, you know that?"

England's face quickly became bright red as he realised that the Australian nation had been listening in on the commentary. Japan just looked speechless.

"What the bloody hell are you doing here? How long have you been standing there?"

Australia had finally stopped laughing, wiping a tear away from his eyes, his sides now a bit sore from laughing so hard. He pulled a chair up and sat next to his 'mum', a smiled etched onto his face.

"I pissed off the Kiwi by taking the mick out of his jumbuck. Quickest way to get Kiwi mad as a frog in sock is to insult his sheep. Been here the whole time Mum. I need in on the action next time."

The blonde pinched the bridge of his nose, it was just like the brunette to wind up his brother. "How in God's name did I not see you earlier, and what do you mean by next time?"

"God Mum that was easy, how you think I managed to get all those animals in your house? I can be quiet when I want to. I mean the next commentary thing that you're doing. I'm not a Drongo Mum, I know that you were up to something in the meeting, and you are going to do it again with me once lunch is over. Do you think what's his name will mind if I switch places with him in the meeting?"

Australia gestured to the still passed out Canada with his thumb. Both Japan and England jumped in surprise, they'd completely forgotten he was there.

"How long has he been passed out like that, the poor lad?" England looked slightly sympathetic towards the boy, and Japan simply shrugged not knowing when it had occurred.

"The bloke was like that when I got here. Come on Mum, let me join you, these meetings are so boring. I could be your co-host." The brunette gave England puppy dog eyes, knowing that the Brit was weak against them. England looked towards Japan for help but the Asian nation was actually smiling at the idea of England having a co-host, especially if it was Australia.

Finding that he had no help, he caved in. "Fine, but you will have to wake Canada and tell him. The lad has fainted twice today, I'm started to get worried, there may be something wrong with him."

* * *

**Poor Canada**

**And yes Australia is now the co-host, yeah I bet you'd think that its be America but I wanted to do more stories were England interacts with other people rather than just France and America, also some one suggested Australia being a co-host. I was going to include him some how, but wasn't sure how, well now I do.**

**also before you ask, Hong Kong will do more later but I wont tell how**

**see you next time**

**not sure why I say that, seeing that I don't actually see you, but you know what I mean**


	4. Countries Dundee

**I'm so sorry this took so long, but this chapter is a lot longer so hopefully that makes up for it a bit. This story is so hard to write**

**Thanks Rosey you are amazing and sorry for rushing you to check this for me.**

**Warnings this is filled with random crap**

* * *

With lunch coming to an end, Australia woke the unconscious Canadian up surprisingly gently. The brunette happily explained that he would need to trade seats while New Zealand calmed down, which Canada agreed to do, while slightly surprised that he had been remembered.

As the nations filtered back into the conference room, the Australian was practically bouncing with excitement. Taking his place next to England, Australia grinned at his 'mum' as if awaiting instructions.

England slumped a little in his chair, rubbing his temples as he looked back at his former colony. Japan was smiling slightly at the pair, his hand already on his camera under the desk.

As soon as Germany got up to talk, Australia leaned in closer to England. Sensing the Australian entering his personal space, the Englishman mentally sighed and, frowning, turned to the Australian.

He couldn't help but jump back a bit when he saw just how close the brunette actually was - their noses touched when England faced his ex-colony. The younger simply smiled as he crossed his eyes. The Briton hid a chuckle at the Australian's antics, he didn't want to gain the attention of everyone in the meeting after all.

"Wait for a few moments Australia, at least until a fight breaks out. I don't want Germany to notice that we're not listening to the next sod that has to deliver a speech, I don't want to be yelled at by someone younger than me. Bloody git."

"Awh but Mum, I'm bored," the Australian whined in a quiet voice, causing the blonde to frown and pinch the bridge of his nose. The Englishman scanned the room seeing that it was Mexico delivering her speech at the moment, every now and then the tanned woman threw a glare at America. It wouldn't be long until everyone lost attention.

Glancing back to the brunette next to him, he raised his hand and, with a smile on his face, the Englishman started to count down backwards from five.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

The European smirked, pointing in the direction of the now arguing countries. Somehow Prussia had managed to sneak into the meeting once again and aggravated a certain Austrian, which therefore irritated Hungary. The Prussian was now nursing an impressive lump on his head which was kindly given to him by a very hard frying pan.

"Ok now lad, now you can start- Where's your koala?" The blonde smiled victoriously at the ex-colony but quickly became anxious when he couldn't see the animal that was usually latched onto the Australian, that thing had it in for him.

"I've told ya plenty of times you blooming Pommie that Bruce is a drop bear, not a koala. That was ace though that you could tell when someone is gonna hava' blue."

"Yes, well years of attending these bloody meetings, you learn to pick up on the signs of a fight breaking out. People watching, although can be called 'creepy', is a good way to understand people's behavioural patterns.

"You didn't answer my question you bloody git, where's that animal of yours? That thing has it in for me and I don't fancy it dropping from the sky and attacking me."

Japan chuckled lightly at the English nation's nervousness about an animal a fifth of his size. The former Great British Empire, anxious of a drop bear. Apparently the Australian had also picked up on his 'Mum's' dislike of the marsupial, as he started to laugh, loudly.

"No worries Mum, Bruce isn't here today. Germany got a bit cranky about last time when old Bruce took a scratch at France, so he's been grounded." The younger nation gave the blonde a toothy grin.

England simply rolled his eyes and looked at the Hungarian woman then back to Japan with a smile on his face. The hazel eyed nation nodded in understanding and raised his camera, which sparked Australia's interest. The brunette was almost bouncing in his chair in excitement.

"Hello and welcome once again to what may be our final show. I am your host Arthur Kirkland and am joined by my co-host, Jack Kirkland as a special treat."

"G'day mates."

England gave the camera a film star smile, which would have stunned some of the nations if they had seen it. He gestured with his hand to Australia as he introduced the ex-colony, the brunette offered the camera a similar smile; both of the green eyed nations were gifted in acting. (Although Australia was generally a happy nation.)

The main presenter looked to the Austrian and Hungarian and waited for Japan to focus his camera on the pair before he carried on.

"Yet again we find ourselves in the jungle of the World Conference, already we have witnessed some of the creatures interacting with each other in this environment.

"We have just now witnessed the Teutonic Wanker once again use its natural skills of annoyance, this time to disturb the creature known as Musicus Snobius."

"Pft."

England looked to his side to see an Australian trying to supress a laugh. The English nation raised an eyebrow at the younger nation, while Japan hit the pause button. Australia held up a finger as if to say 'one second' and took a few deep breaths, before his face became deadpan.

Taking this as his sign to carry on the Japanese nation turned the camera back on.

"Or to give his common name the Muso Bludger (Music, and someone that lazy and relies one others)." The Australian grinned smugly as England cracked a smile. Not really bothering to hide his amusement, England carried on.

"This creature is heavily dependent on others, such as Stickuphisarseicus."

"Also known as Wet Blanket," Australia contributed.

"It is due to this dependency that the creature has become rather slow and unfit. When young, the Musicus Snobius was a more active creature and faster. Now, however the creature tires easily and is one of the slowest creatures in the World Conference jungle, often lagging behind its fellow nations. Its lack of energy has gone to such an extreme that even over the shortest of distances it will become exhausted and use 'Wet Blanket' as a chair to rest on while it recovers before it can continue on its journey.

"The Musicus Snobius will refuse to throw anything away it believes to be a waste, even going so far as to force other creatures in the jungle to take back and mend items they have disposed of. Other than this, the Musicus Snobius is a creature that will try to avoid conflict, preferring to, if the case may be, rely once again on other nations to defend it.

"As its names suggest, this creature is heavily involved in music, even using it as a form of communication. Particularly when angered, the Musicus Snobius will often demonstrate its emotions through the use of Chopin. This way of communication is also a defence mechanism as potential predators get distracted by the music and often forget the reason they targeted the creature."

England thought back to when he saw that happen to America, the nation was going to ask Austria for something, when the European country started to play and the American forgot the reason why he'd visited the Austrian. Then again, the American was stupid.

"Unfortunately this critter has no sense of direction. Often it goes for a walk about and then it's gone. It's not unusual for it to end up somewhere in completely the opposite direction to where it had intended. Good thing for Muso Bludger the Manly Sheila looks out for the little critter."

Hungary was offering Austria a cake of some sort as she had just returned from hitting Prussia round the head. Germany had apologised for his brother's behaviour before dragging the albino to the side and giving him a time out. Usually Prussia wouldn't pay any attention to his brother, but the German had apparently threatened the older of the two with no beer.

Australia looked to his 'Mum' to see if he was going to take over. The blonde shook his head whilst crossing his legs looking like a gentleman. The brunette rolled his eyes. England was being a gentleman, which meant not saying anything rude about a lady. Japan smiled behind the camera thinking that this was typical of his European friend.

"This Sheila is one that you don't muck about with, although she looks like gentle creature she can nuff pack a wallop with her weapon of choice, her frying pan, if you get on her wrong side. Crikey, and don't the Teutonic Wanker know it. When this sheila was a little ankle biter she thought that she was a fella, which could be the reason why she can be kinda feisty.

"This beauty is a skilled swimmer, unlike the Musicus Snobius, that critter is afraid of anything that lives in the water."

"Really?" England asked louder than he'd intended to the Australian with a questioning gaze. Japan hid the camera under the table once he noticed some countries' gaze fall on them due to England's outburst.

Mexico coughed into her hand, asking the Englishman to explain himself. The Japanese nation couldn't help but admire how England simply looked up to the frustrated nation with an apologetic smile (a very small one).

"I'm sorry my dear, Australia was just explaining to me that he puts the lives of the animals in his land before his own. Which I believe is still on topic about the wellbeing of the wildlife and the possibilities of setting up more reserves," the Englishman explained in a bored manner, waving his hand as he spoke.

Japan didn't miss the smirk hidden in the emerald eyes, or the Australian's. The Asian nation was only mildly surprised when Australia continued the lie.

"I have no fear of losing my life, if I have to save a koala or a crocodile or a kangaroo or a snake, mate, I will save it.''

The countries started to mutter to each other over the Australian's comment, which seemed to be a good enough explanation to Mexico – or she just didn't care anymore - as she carried on with her speech.

The two green eyed nations waited for a few seconds before they looked at each other grinning; Australia more so than England.

"You two were very good at improvising, that was very believable," Japan complimented as he brought his camera back up from under the table.

"You learn a few things when your Mum's a pirate, being able to lie is one of them mate."

"Wanker."

"Anyway, I found out about the bloke not liking sea animals when Hungary brought him to watch her swim. He wouldn't even touch the water with a ten foot pole, that's when Hungary told me why."

"Oh, learn something new every day I suppose. Shall we continue?" England gestured with his hand towards the pair they were talking about earlier as Japan turned the camera back on. Australia cleared his throat dramatically before he continued.

"The Manly Sheila likes to know everything that's happening in the World Conference jungle, particularly any good goss she can then share with the other sheilas. Scientists believe that the flower the Manly Shelia keeps behind her ear has joined her in a mutually beneficial coexistence where it actually gives her superior hearing so she is able to overhear otherwise secret goings on in return for being provided with a source of food and protection.

"The Manly Sheila is said to particularly be a fan of watching other blokes to crack onto each other. The creature has been known to hesitate in helping its companion, if it is being attacked by another male predator in a 'certain way'.

"Awh, we're in luck mate. See the Manly Sheila's excitement as the Triggerhappy Bastard walks past Muso Bludger as it hopes to see a bit of Yaoi."

A hardly noticeable blush dusted Japan's cheeks as his mind started to wander and picture certain things happening between two of his fellow nation's, both Australia and England pretended not to notice and carried on.

England's eyes followed the shorter blonde as he walked past Austria and took his seat next to Liechtenstein. Germany had decided to move France, so Norway was now sitting next to the girl. A good move on Germany's part as Norway wasn't fussed about being moved and wouldn't say anything to aggravate the Swiss, and it meant that France had to sit next to Sweden.

Japan seemed to get his mind out of the gutter as he aimed his camera at the other Germanic nations, glancing at England over the top of the camera to signify that he could carry on.

"Triggerhappy Bastard or, to give its scientific name, Overprotectus Brotherous, is a particularly dangerous creature considering its small size. This creature is never without a firearm of some sort, even if it may seem that it is unarmed it will have a gun hidden somewhere.

"The Overprotectus Brotherous is skilled at getting through any customs yet still being able to maintain its firearms. Its aim is very accurate and can shoot multiple shots rapidly (although he still hasn't got the hang of the Mad minute) making it a dangerous creature.

"These firearms are not the only weapons at its disposal, however. It is also known to use blunt objects, particularly its Nobel Peace Prize, to beat those creatures who annoy it. While heavily armed it will always warn other creatures - be it verbally, by displaying its weaponry or by letting off a warning shot - so the creature annoying it has a chance to stop and retreat before it is harmed.

"Its diet mainly consist of cheap cheese and chocolate. Although it has the resources to acquire better quality cheese, it insists that it has that cheese as it tastes better. Others say that it's because it is cheap."

England bowed his head to the brunette telling him to take over. The Australian leant forward in his seat grinning at the Germanic pair.

"This little nipper usually likes to stay out of other creatures' business, that is unless he feels that's his sister is threatened in anyway.

"The Ribbon Sheila is a sweet little critter who looks up to and models itself after its brother nation. While in general more friendly than the Triggerhappy Bastard, the Ribbon Sheila has imitated it in appearance and been taught by the other creature how to defend itself. This is however rarely need as the Ribbon Sheila is near never seen without its brother by its side and the Triggerhappy Bastard will be spewing and kick up a right fuss if anyone even looks at the Sheila the wrong way.

"I'll show ya." The brunette smiled into the camera and got up from his seat. Before England or Japan could realize what was going on, Australia was walking over to the Swiss.

"He better not be doing what I think he is doing. I swear that boy never understood danger," the Englishman muttered with a frown on his face, but he couldn't hide the hint of worry in his voice. He didn't want the boy to get a bullet in the head.

The Japanese nation shook his head, he could see that, yes, Australia was going to do what England thought he was going to do. Japan decided that the Australian was either very brave or very dumb.

Australia slung his arm around the back of Liechtenstein's chair with a smaller smile than earlier; maybe he did realize that this probably could get him a gun wound. The small Germanic girl looked up to the Australian with a curious look, but had a gentle smile on her face.

"G'day Sheila, I like you bow. It's bonzer." Australia leant closer to the blonde girl's face so he had a closer look of the bow. He was not hiding his face from the Swiss, at all. He could practically feel the daggers being thrown at him repeatedly.

"Danke mister Australia, mien bruder bought it for me," the young girl replied, blushing lightly. Australia was surprised that he wasn't dead yet, he was silently cursing to himself that he hadn't managed to piss off the Swiss nation. He was going to have to push it further.

"I can't believe he's doing this. Why is he doing this? I wasn't that bad of a mentor, New Zealand is perfectly fine, besides his obsession with sheep. That could have something to do with Wales though. That bloody idiot." The Englishman started to ramble to himself as he watched his 'son' walk to his death. He could see the smaller blonde's eye twitch and edge towards the shotgun strapped to his back. He would have to save the lad somehow, and soon.

Japan continued to film the whole interaction between Australia and Liechtenstein, although he did worry about the brunette. However, he couldn't deny that he found the English nation fretting next to him amusing and some way cute. It was always funny to see the nation that supposedly didn't care about how others were doing, worrying over another.

"Yeah it's a right beaut, just like your eyes."  
Click.

"What was that Japan? The Frog was sneaking around Switzerland's house last night with no clothes *on?" the* blonde *announced* loudly, loud enough to gain the attention of a certain gun fanatic nation.

"Mon dieu! How did you know about that!?"

Bang!

Switzerland started to shoot a fleeing Frenchman. Liechtenstein watched her brother with an innocent smile on her face, she had grown used to this. The young girl then said her goodbyes to the Australian and waved at Japan.

The raven haired nation's eyes widened a fraction as he noticed the girl waving at him. She knew, but then again it wasn't that surprising, she was a very quiet nation so she could watch the other nations. A nation a holding camera would probably grab someone's attention, honestly Japan was surprised that no one else had noticed.

The Oceanic nation bounced back over to his seat while everyone else was focused on trying to calm the Swiss country down. As soon as the younger nation sat down, England smacked him round the back of the head.

"Bloody git, you could have got shot. Argh I can feel a headache coming." The blonde rubbed his temples in attempt to soothe his head. At least he'd managed to cause trouble for France, and at that thought, the Briton smiled to himself.

Japan continued film the pair, maybe he would make a collection of clips with England showing his tsundere side.

Australia rubbed the spot of his head the Englishman had just hit pouting a bit, it didn't really hurt as the blonde would never really hit him, he saved that energy for killing France. Deciding to not look at his 'Mum', Australia scanned the room for the next target.

"How'd the bloke manage to stay asleep?" he wondered aloud as his gaze feel upon Greece. Automatically Japan aimed his camera onto the sleeping nation, his eyes holding some form of excitement. Looking away from the suffering Frenchman with an eyebrow raised, England rolled his eyes once he knew who his ex-colony was talking about.

"Here we see Felineous Loveros sleeping. This creature spends the majority of its time resting, probably due to it using a lot of energy for other activities."

The Englishman let his voice trail off to give the pair next to him enough time to realise what he'd meant by that sentence. As expected the Asian nation blushed at the comment whereas the Australian just laughed saying something about giving rabbits some competition.

"Its continuous sleeping is also believed to be a defence mechanism as any other creature at the World Conference will not see the Felineous Loveros as a threat and so leave it alone.

"This creature tends to appear extremely laid back, which likely came about due to the creature's constant sleeping, and communicates rather slowly. Despite this the Felineous Loveros is a very intelligent creature. If a certain subject takes its interest, it will become very philosophical and talk the hind legs off a donkey."

"Donkey?"

"It's a saying mate."

"Oh," Japan made a mental note of that saying to add it to his already long list. It would probably just be easier to buy a guide of all the countries' sayings, but he didn't really want to know the ones nobody used anymore.

"This critter likes to surround itself with cats, so releases pheromones that attracts the felines. The gland that secretes the scent is located on his head, which looks like a strange strand of hair."

"As well as enjoying their company, the Felineous Loveros is also able to use the cats that surround it as another defence mechanism. If another creature is not deterred by the Felineous Loveros's sleeping, this nation can command the felines to work together and attack the predator. If the predator then loses consciousness rather than fleeing, the mass of cats will carry its body far from the Felineous Loveros, so the tired creature does not have to give up its habitat."

"His main adversary is the Masked Bloke. This big fella likes to compete with Felineous Loverous over the smallest thing and any other creature in the wild.

"The Masked Bloke uses its mask got various reasons. It can be used as a camouflage and to protect its identity if the Masked Bloke requires, or can be used in a display, against possible predators or aggressors. This little nipper used to be a big shot when it was younger and liked to claim a lot of other creatures' habitats. Now though, it's mellowed out and wants to make a few cobbers (friends). Tries to get others to feel comfortable around him with its tucker (food), which, by crickey is ace."

The brunette started to salivate at the thought of getting food, he didn't eat that much at lunch, running away from Kiwi after all. Japan and England exchanged quick glances, the raven haired nation offered a small smile whereas the blonde just shook his head.

"These two creatures do share a common trait though. It is said that these two both have to dance whenever they hear music. Scientists still haven't quite figured out the reason why they have to do this but it is believed that this is something similar of that of a snake and a snake charmer.

"These two creatures are also somewhat predatorial when it comes to another creature that inhabits the jungle World Conference. The two will fight each other to prove which one is the dominant male to the Refrainous Speakerous, a quiet and generally agreeable but still possibly dangerous nation."

Emerald eyes glanced to his side to see if the Japanese nation has caught on to what he had said, only to smile to himself when the Japanese nation just carried on filming. Australia threw his hand over his mouth to muffle a chuckle that escaped him, wondering how long it would take for the Asian to notice that he had been given a name.

Trying to keep the Japanese nation occupied the Englishman searched the room for the next target. His eyes fell upon a certain blonde who was almost fading into the background, sitting between New Zealand and Portugal. The Northern American country was sitting with a somewhat bored expression on his face staring at the clock as the countries sitting next to him were speaking to other nations.

"If you look closely, you'll find the extremely hard to find Quietius Invisblius. This creature has the ability to almost fade out of sight and avoid detection from those around it, a useful skill when avoiding predators which sometimes works a little too well. Although this particular adaptation help the Quietius Invisblius survive it often leads to it being ignored and even in it missing out on food sources as other nations don't notice its presence."

England's face became a bit sullen at the thought, but turned to look at the others next to him to find Japan not actually aiming the camera at the Canadian. Australia seemed to have noticed this as well as he chuckled light while he carefully turned Japan's camera so it was actually pointing at their new specimen.

England honestly wondered what actually made the boy so unnoticeable to other nations. Admittedly he did often mistake Canada for America, as well as a lot of other countries, but he did always notice when the lad wasn't there.

"The Quietius Invisblius's diet mainly consists of pancakes and maple syrup. Its addiction to the later of these foodstuffs is so much that this nation is rarely seen without multiple bottles of the syrup on its person to cover whatever food it is given."

"This little nipper looks a lot like the Seepo (American) Hamburger and gets picked on by the other critters, being mistaken for the louder nation. Good thing it's fit as a Mallee Bull and knows how to take care of itself and is able to make Seepo Hamburger cry.

"Although Seepo Hamburger is built like a brick shit house, it has 238 weaknesses, one of them being Dora the Explora and Marmite, (of course Vegemite is better).

("Git.")

"Moose Cockie (farmer) doesn't have the same fears as its brother, and hates fighting but is pretty good at it. The Moose Cockie is usually a very approachable nation due to its calm and shy nature, unless it is watching or playing hockey, its other obsession, or it is insulted in some way. If it is really angered it will use its favoured weapon - its hockey stick - and go into what scientists call its 'hockey mode'.

"I bet you don't believe me mate looking at him, so I'll show ya."

With that said the Australian got out of his chair yet again and made his way over to the Canadian. England simply dragged his hand down face in a frustrated manor; whilst Japan gently shook his head not *believing* that Australia was doing this yet again.

The European nation sighed heavily and leant forward in his chair and ran a hand through his hair. "The Quietius Invisiblious is often seen with a small white bear which it uses as a defensive barrier. This could be troubling for my co-host as, although the bear regularly forgets its master's name, is furiously protective over him."

The Brit had decided to just go with the flow as he was powerless to stop the stubborn/stupid brunette. Maybe he should let the lad die, it would mean less hassle for him after all.

Canada jumped a bit as he saw his 'brother' approach him. Wasn't the brunette avoiding New Zealand, so why was he willingly walking over? The timid nation's eyebrows rose when the Australian walked straight past the sheep loving nation and instead patted Canada on the back.

"So mate, someone told me that they thought that hockey was shit," the plaster(band aid) wearing nation started with a wide smile, sounding completely innocent. The Canadian just stared at the Australian for a few seconds trying to make sense of the sentence he'd just heard. Next to him, both Portugal and New Zealand paled.

"What?" the blonde asked darkly, his eye twitching. Australia noticed that the white bear on Canada's lap was already growling at him, might as well stir it up more if he was going to be in trouble anyway. "Just heard some chatter mate, thought I'd ask you about it to see if you heard of anything, but it seems you didn't. Hockey, that's the one where you hit a dick with a stick on skated right?"

England banged his head on the desk as a bear dived at the Australian, knocking them both to the ground. Jack was actually laughing as he wrestled with the blasted thing, he was enjoying it.

Seriously, where did he go wrong?

Canada's face was red in anger as he waved a hockey stick around swearing like a sailor, where the stick came from, nobody knew. Portugal and New Zealand were attempting to calm the nation down, whereas others were confused about when Canada arrived.

It was about the time that a chair was lobbed out of the window that America rushed over with a bottle of maple syrup and handed it to the enraged nation. Almost instantly the Canadian calmed down though panting heavily.

Italy had lunged at Germany crying for the German to protect him from the scary Canadian. Unfortunately for the German, Italy refused to let go even after Canada had returned to his chair.

"Seems like Germany is having trouble getting Italy off of him," Australia pointed out with a chuckle as he materialised behind England and Japan, causing the blonde to jump. Apparently the Oceanic nation had managed to escape the polar bear's wrath with only a couple of scratches. Before England could even ask, Australia pointed in the direction of Russia who now had a bear gnawing on his head.

Shaking his head, not really wanting to know how that had happened England answered the Australian. Japan was having a field day filming all of this action and was going to enjoy editing it all later.

"Yes, well the Pasta Gits are rather clingy, Romano is currently clinging onto Spain. You winding Canada up was probably not the best thing to do, it will take forever for the meeting to continue, which means it will end later than planned."

The Briton didn't bother to sugar coat the aggravation in his tone, causing the younger to wince, he knew that tone all too well. Not wanting the Englishman to get even more pissed and hit something, the Australian thought of how he could separate Italy from Germany.

The brunette snapped his fingers when he thought of something, which caught the attention of Japan and England. Japan aimed the camera at the Australian feeling mildly curious as to what he was going to do.

"There is said to be one way to immobilise one of the critters known as Pasta Gits and that is to pull on their hair curl. This action releases hormones which cause the creature to become aroused." The Australian smirked to the camera as he strode off over to Germany, much to England's horror.

It all happened rather quickly really.

Germany gave the Australian a confused look as he approached, which turned to horror as Italy turned red and slumped to the floor panting lightly when the Aussie pulled on the Italian's curl. This caused Spain's and Romano's anger to flare. Romano started to curse at the ' Potato Bastard' for taking advantage of his brother, whereas Spain looked like he was going to kill Australia as he had seen him do it.

England's face flushed, he quickly turned to the camera and gave it an apologetic smile. "And on that bomb shell, we conclude this show. My name is Arthur Kirkland and I will now be saving my co-host from being castrated by an axe."

With that said, England sprung out of his chair and ran across the table before kicking the axe, that Spain was bringing down onto a floored Australian, out of the Spaniard's hands.

Romano had Australia pinned onto the floor and was yelling a lot of swears at the grinning Australian. Acting as a peace keeper, America went to pull off the Italian, but got distracted when Cuba yelled an insult to the American.

The American went to throw a punch at the Cuban only to hit Canada who was trying to stop the pair from fighting. This triggered Canada's hockey mode and he started to whack things with his hockey stick, be they items in the room or nations.

Prussia had come out of his time out to join in with the pirate fight, only to be hit round the head with a frying pan. At some point France had come back into the room, naked, and joined his Spanish friend in fighting a very pissed off Brit.

Germany tried to regain order but simply gave up and walked out of the room, they weren't hosting this in his country anyway. Italy was now fine and ran after the German not wanting to be left alone.

Russia was watching everything rather happily as well as Romania who was sitting next to him. China was complaining about nations these days while the rest of the Asian nations just watched the chaos unfold around them.

Denmark somehow managed to get involved it the fight against England, the Briton had no idea why. The rest of the Nordics watched from the sidelines looking bored, except Finland who was chatting on the phone to Sealand.

Ireland decided to tackle France saying that he just strongly disliked the nation (they are actually on good terms). He would admit to no one that he actually didn't like the fact that there were three people against his brother.

New Zealand helped get Romano off of his brother, who actually didn't seemed all that fussed about the Italian. The New Zealander hit his brother around the head blaming the whole thing on him, which was actually true.

Portugal calmly grabbed his younger brother by the ear and dragged him over to the corner saying that England hadn't actually done anything.

Japan just carried on filming the whole scene, happy that he'd decided to bring his camera to the meeting that day.

* * *

**Thanks Rosey for the additions you did, you are awesome!**

**yeah, there we go. Australia has very little sense in danger and England can predict when a fight is going to start. Also nothing stops Japan when filming.**

**Next chapter wont have any commentary, but it will have drunk Denmark, England and Prussia. Japan will edit what he has got on his camera and may leave it unattended when he needs to do something...**

**Any way review and stuff, the next chapter wont take as long as the last one**

**Again, I'm sorry**

**p.s. I have no idea where that fight came from**


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